The Craig Report 4.7.17


Hey, everybody. I’m back!

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First off, I want to thank you all for supporting my new book, Who’s Your Daddy?

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I’m up to nearly 600 views on Wattpad, where you can read the whole thing for free.

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I have two reviews on Amazon. (Shoutout to the reviewers!)

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Anyway, I really appreciate all the reads and reviews.


I hope everybody had a good week. Mine has been all about


But, hopefully, this means that I’ll have cool stuff to share with you in the upcoming weeks, months, and–if things go according to plan–years.



1) Desus & Mero

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My new favorite show is Viceland’s late night talk fest Desus & Mero, which plays like a moderately woke, consistently hysterical barbershop convo. It’s exactly what I need after back-to-back hours of Chris Hayes and Rachel Maddow. Comedians Desus Nice and The Kid Mero weigh in on topics ranging from politics to pop culture. (You can watch the show on Viceland or YouTube.)

Here are some of my fave recent clips:

Desus and Mero always show respect to Congressional legend and leader-of-the-rebellion Maxine Waters for the way that she’s committed to exposing all of “Trumpito’s” Russian secrets. But they also think that, at the family reunion, she would be the nosey aunt who’s in everybody’s business.

Here they expound on Tiger Woods’ rapidly receding hairline.

This is Desus and Mero on the poop-throwing internet chimp.

And here they are on that butter-covered baby.

In addition to one-on-one commentary, they also have candid celebrity interviews. Here they are with Faith Evans.

2) Arinze Stanley

I’m blown away by the crazy-real pencil drawings of self-trained Nigerian artist Arinze Stanley.


This is Stanley describing his creative process:  “Sometimes it’s almost like I’m not in control of my pencil, sort of like energy transfer. Most times I feel like I transfer my energy into a blank piece of paper through my pencils and it just becomes art.”

3) Zayn & PartyNextDoor – “Still Got Time (House Party House Remix)”

I know that this week most Directioners are obsessed with “Sign of the Times” by Flying Harry Styles.


But I’m also feeling the House Party remix of Zayn’s latest. It gives the original version some extra thump, and you can cop the dl for free here.

4) Gay porn pencil cases (and coffee mugs)



So, recently I needed to buy a pencil case, not for pencils mind you, but rather to carry my assorted hot sauces and other essential condiments to and from my co-working space. It’s actually something that I feel a little tight about tbh. When I first was looking at the spot, they lured a brotha in with free access Sriracha and a mad array of spices and such. Cut to a year and a half later. I’m running in with a tuna salad and I can’t even find any salt and pepper on the 4th floor where I mostly work. I go to the 2nd floor and ask the receptionist if there is any salt and pepper. Homegirl tells me that they’re out of salt, and then she points me to a big-ass, Costco-sized bottle of Black Peppercorns. There is no grinder in sight. Dafuq are me and my tuna salad supposed to do with un-ground black peppercorns. I stormed off like


Anyway, as I was eating my no-spice-havin’ ass tuna salad, I vowed that I would never be caught without the bare condiment essentials again. This led me to Etsy to try to find something that would be functional but also kinda lit.

I came across Father Panik’s pencil case adorned with newspaper ads for 70s gay porn flicks. Of course, I snapped it right up along with the matching mug.


And I would’ve totally gotten this if it had been on a t-shirt. (Father, do you hear me?)


5) Janmojis

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I guess it’s now pretty much established that I spend many nights cruising D.I.Y. e-commerce sites. Redbubble is another frequent stop, and it’s where I discovered this line of emojis based on the newly single Janet Jackson. I think they’re so cute (and I’m particularly partial to ’86, ’89, and the two ’97s). You can get them on t-shirts, as stickers, etc… Check them all out here.


April 10: Babyface’s birthday

Sometimes I look back on my work as a music critic, and I’m like, “Damn, I can’t believe you roasted that person like that!” Well, in Babyface’s case, I did it twice. I must have been in a mood on those days. In any event, here are two of my meanest reviews and they both happen to be of Babyface albums:

Babyface – Greatest Hits

Babyface – Face2Face

O.K. y’all, until next time…

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Be cool, be kind, be creative, be yourself. Love, Craig


This quote from Glennon Doyle Melton goes out to all those who are going through things:

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Who I Am:

I’m a writer whose work has been featured in The Washington Post, the Chicago TribuneEntertainment Weekly, Vibe, Spin, and other publications. I have a Ph.D. in American Studies from the University of Maryland at College Park.


My Books:

Who’s Your Daddy

Providence-based photographer Michael Allen, a gay man on the cusp of 40, thinks he’s found love with a 19-year-old, mohawk-sporting artist named Ziggy, only to discover that the two may already share a bond that neither can imagine. This plays out as Michael’s best friends-Sidney, a 50-ish art dealer and Bruce, a cop in his 30s-deal with their own sexual trysts and romantic travails with dramatically younger guys. The result is a novel that explores the fragile yet enduring ties of sex, love, and friendship.

All I Could Bare: My Life in the Strip Clubs of Gay Washington, D.C.

“Unafraid to bare it all…readers will feel they’re in the hands of an expert.” – Publisher’s Weekly

“…a bare-assed, neon-lit tour de force…” –The Bay Area Reporter

“Raunchy splendor…somehow both bawdy and sweetly nostalgic at the same time.” – Dallas Voice

FREE: Download the All I Could Bare audiobook read by me.

Luther: The Life and Longing of Luther Vandross

“Seymour’s brilliant book is like a great Luther song: elegantly written, effortlessly executed and eloquently delivered. A majestic tribute.” – Michael Eric Dyson

“Full of juicy anecdotes, fast-paced writing and interesting analysis, the book paints an intimate portrait of the beloved balladeer.” – E. Lynn Harris

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